Art History: The Story Behind Who Invented Art

February 06, 2012

The story of who invented art is a simple one indeed. ALIENS did it... of course. You always suspected it and now here I am corroborating it fully. Except I don't think it was the aliens that your thinking about. Not the E.T. guys flying around and zapping up people to perform some perverse experiments on. No, the aliens I'm thinking about are the people that colonized the whole planet out of Africa for the past millions of years.

Yep, cavemen, once again. You see these guys were aliens in the sense that they were all hairy apes adapted to live in tropical conditions. So, a tropical humanoid figure living in freezing conditions, in a cave, in France painting bizarre animals he really had no prior contact with is the equivalent of an Alien flying here from a million light years away to paint a portrait of a person living here on Earth. So, yes, aliens invented art. Despite the fact that we know aliens aren't here to paint our portraits... we know those filthy little buggers are up to no good -- that's why we have nightmares about them. No one has ever had a nightmare about someone painting their portrait... and if they did they surely must have been a severely disturbed individual.

Art became an innate thing in all humans because of our alien ancestors and it would go through many reinventions over the course of our history. So, the next time you think about it and ask yourself, "Who invented art?" You would have to answer that with 'aliens,' or 'cavemen,' if you want to be more accurate -- or you can refine your question to elaborate on the type of art that would like to know about being invented. Such as, "who invented painting, or sculpture, or charcoal... all of which could still be answered with CAVEMEN. Man those guys were badasses!

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