BEEFBASKET ARCHIVE:

Sorry this top secret information is a bit late. I mean, it is the only answer to save your ass rotten lives though, so shut the fuck up and let me tell you. To outsmart a comet one must become the comet. To walk in comet shoes. To fly aimlessly around the entire fuckin universe, omniverse and antiverse as this obese OBEAST of a frozen rock chunk. Imagine if you will, cookie dough ice cream that your girlfriend eats too much of, well that’s you, pre-anus release flying around her fuck cavity (lower intestine) awaiting to be shit about this toilet of Earth. That is what we must become to fully understand the comet. I have done this and I promise there is an answer. Viewer Discretion is Advised.

First and foremost, Barry Sanders needs to come back to the NFL. This is very important. Without him the worlds entire juke ability is down 12 points. At least his son Michael Vick is here to keep us a-juke. Secondly Dimebag Darrel should resurrect himself as a fuckin marijuana leaf with

rocket skates and ass spear Nathan Gale’s corpse 5 times in the face. This isn’t really a necessary step but it is dire for man-kinds proper restoration. Next we must all buy shotguns from walmart and give them to the manic depressed and mentally retarded faggots.Back on topic. We must escape this shell. The skies must break and miracle grow the earth a collective Rocco ass plundering genius cock of comet destruction. Jutting out, the savior penis rises tall, unwavering, erect. Like superman and Jesus combined its only weakness is the common Jew. The absolute worst smell in the world would have to be two gay Indian men having sex. It should be bottled in the fleshy sac of a skunk’s ass juice gland. You could spray that shit on you and have NO problems in the future bombing any bitches poon with your cock grenade. Oh yeah… the comet…and survival. Hmm…actually I think it’s best to not mention the ultimate way to survive this comet. I released such information to those musky Indian fucks earlier this week and they ended up fuckin themselves up more than helping. The portal near Mandhara Devi shrine is the best and most practical means of exodus. But I warn you, mass exodus will bring fatality amongst your peoples.

So I urge you, wait until the last minute maybe even after it’s too late. Ride the comet to heaven if you have to, this is absolutely not needed but required to appease the Sascrotch to the left here, we will all meet up there anyway. Joseph Smith put it this way: “There is no hell. All will find a measure of salvation.” Mormons are fuckin nutcases, oh well, See You in Telestial Glory motherfuckers!