Tomorrow is the Florida Primary and I’m voting for Giuliani as to alleviate some of the embarrassment he is sure to endure. Too bad he won’t win the presidency because I’m sure he’d legalize prostitution, which is the only way I can get laid, and he’d desanctify marriage, the way it should be, so that he’d be on par with everyone else to the right.

Actually I take that back. I refuse to vote for him. The other day he was here in my town and had traffic all fucked seven ways opposite of the orient, which inevitably made me have to walk a long distance… in the rain. I’m not to partial to being soaked. In fact, I’m deathly afraid of water, like a house cat or a drowned dead baby should have been.

Now that I’m over my near drowning experience I nominate Giuliani as the Mayor of the President of the United States of America. It sounds like a prestigious job but I assure you that it is nothing more than a fancy name for the babysitter of the President, of which I’m sure will be necessary if we end up with anyone similar Bush. His job would be to ensure that the President gets his lunch, nap, and daily Clintonic Head Job, and hopefully help keep America from crumbling down on top of it’s citizens.

Giuliani also promises to install super-ultimate-laser beams in his eyes to protect our citizens from intercontinental ballistic missiles originating from Pakistan. That right there is enough to garnish many votes, but it won’t be enough, because Obama promises to make race a thing of the past by turning off the color genes. And we all know just how much all of us love equality. That is way more important than having to endure a nuclear winter. I’ll tell you what makes a lot of sense is us walking around a nuclear blast zone as an albino using your lack of melanin to protect ourselves from the radiation. Permanent sunburns will ensue. Obama just wants to make your death especially painful as an act of retaliation for enslaving his ancestors. People need to learn to let go.