BEEFBASKET ARCHIVE:

Perhaps you don’t know about this. Perhaps you do. One thing is for sure, If you are reading this then you SHOULD know by now. In all seriousness, we are all fucking going to die on July 4th. It is the last day of humanity. The skies will burn as we the sheep of the earth watch our children’s flesh melt away.

Maybe Heaven’s Gate had it right. They knew of the calamity in store and the government ended their lives like the guy from Iron Butterfly….or the guys of Blue Oyster Cult. This shit is pretty interesting, but don’t read it or you will be wasting the last few months of your life that you still have left to live. I say, we as human beings owe Will Smith a favor. His smash hit “Independence Day” was a precursor to the end of times.

It’s clear now that we need a new ruler, one that has un-deniable dedication to the preservation of man. That is a discussion for another time however. More pressing matters are at hand. With the world ending and the last solstice of man approaching June 21st we must comes to grips with the atrocities of our own wrong doings. 800 Gillion miles away, as you read this, a comet is blazing its way through space on a kamikaze mission into the heart of Earth. This is not some imaginary number or event I thought up while at Krogers. This is real. The government tried to warn us, to downplay the event saying they wish “To bust open a hole in a comet to reveal its inner secrets.” I know the truth and I wish to bust open a hole in the lies and reveal the inner secrets. Proof against the “reports” lie in this simple chart.

“Deep Impact is carrying the most powerful telescope ever sent into deep space. It will remain with the mother ship when the copper-fortified impactor springs free the day before the comet strike, and will observe the event from a safe 300 miles away.”

300 miles away? Hmm but we can see it from 80 million miles away. That is about 1:266,667 ratio. That doesn’t even make sense. I can’t even grasp the reality of this. If the rocket is to be traveling at 23,000 mph and plans on disengaging the telescope a “safe” 300 miles away, then the rocket will impact the comet less than 1 minute after leaving the telescope behind. So then the telescope has less than 1 minute to prepare to take pictures of the event while moving at about 23,000 mph itself, most likely the wrong direction, while being at a “safe” microscopic distance away. The truth is, the motherfucker is armed with a nuclear bomb strapped to Bruce Willis. “Yippeekayay, Motherfucker.”

Obviously there is no way to avoid it…. unless of course we could live on Titan, Saturn’s largest moon. But we haven’t been there you say, oh its not inhabitable, or no, perhaps we couldn’t possibly make a trip that far? Wrong, dead wrong. After filtering through the bullshit news of the last few months, I have gathered sufficient details and am preparing a plan for exodus. Check back with details soon.