BEEFBASKET ARCHIVE:

Horses are obsolete. The reason we invented the car was in order to avoid riding those four-legged death traps. I have never known a man to set foot on a horse and make out alive. Why would some Floridian, that obviously has no experience with WMD’s, risk their life by celebrating Halloween horseback? That’s like strapping a nuke to your nuts after the timer counts down to 10 seconds and expecting to live. Everyone knows the only way to survive such events is to avoid them.

Carey Baker was a middle school teacher in Florida that felt she was above and beyond the duty of death. She was wrong. That horse had no problem desecrating her good name. Everyone knows that cars run off of gas and Horses run off of human flesh. That was our main incentive to invent the automobile. The human race’s population was diminishing far too fast for it to be advantageous to our proliferation.

Ask anyone if they would rather celebrate Halloween trick-or-treating or riding the single deadliest animal known to man. Carey Baker knew the risk. She had to have. She was and educator. And everyone knows that the educational system in Florida is the best, therefore, she is one of the best.

I once had a horse. We put it down for killing my cousin.